Traffic alert: There's a massive clown car pileup on the Beltway. And with the White House court jesters of sequester behind the wheel, no one is safe. Fiscal sanity, of course, is the ultimate victim.
President Barack Obama has been warning America that if Congress allows mandatory spending "cuts" of a piddly-widdly 2 percent to take effect this week, the sky will fall. The manufactured crisis of sequestration was Obama's idea in the first place.
But that hasn't stopped the Chicken-Little-in-Chief from surrounding himself with every last teacher, senior citizen and emergency responder who will be catastrophically victimized by hardhearted Republicans. Curses on those mean Republicans! How dare they acquiesce to the very plan for "cuts" — or rather, negligible reductions in the explosive rate of federal spending growth — that Obama himself hatched?
How low will the kick-the-can Democrats go? Among the ridiculous claims the administration is making: The National Drug Intelligence Center will lose $2 million from its $20 million budget. That scary factoid appears in an ominous Office of Management and Budget report purporting to calculate the sequester disaster. So lock the doors and hide the children, right?
Wrong. As Reason magazine's Mike Riggs points out, the NDIC shut down in June 2012 and some of its responsibilities were absorbed by the Drug Enforcement Administration.
Ready for more reckless, feckless farce? Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano played Henny Penny during a panicked speech Tuesday at the Brookings Institution. She warned that the sequester would undermine her agency's "core critical mission areas." To cynically underscore the point, "waves" of illegal immigrants were released this week from at least three detention centers in Texas, Florida and Louisiana, according to the Fort Worth Star Telegram.
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed the release of some illegal immigrants Monday, but would not say how many or from which detention centers.
The real punch line, as I've reported relentlessly, is that the catch and release of criminal illegal immigrants has been bipartisan standard operating procedure for decades. The persistent deportation-and-removal abyss allows hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants — many of them known repeat criminal offenders — to pass through the immigration court system and then disappear into the ether because we have no determined will to track them down and kick them all out of the country.
While Napolitano shrieks about decimating the DHS work force, DHS workers tell me that the double-dipping of retired ICE brass — who get back on the payroll as "rehired annuitants" — is rampant.
While this open-borders White House gnashes its teeth over the sequester's effect on national security, its top officials are lobbying for a massive nationwide amnesty that would foster a tsunami of increased illegal immigration for generations to come. The shamnesty beneficiaries will be welcomed with open arms, discounted college tuition, home loans and Obamacare. And as every outraged rank-and-file border agent will tell you, DHS top officials have instituted systemic non-enforcement and sabotage of detention, deportation and removal functions.
In another emetic performance, Obama parachuted into a Virginia naval shipyard this week to decry Pentagon cuts that would gut our military. But I repeat: The reductions in spending are CINO: Cuts In Name Only. If the sequester goes into effect, Pentagon spending will increase by $121 billion between 2014 and 2023. Fiscal watchdog GOP Sen. Tom Coburn adds that $70 billion is spent by the Defense Department on "nondefense" expenditures each year.
Send in the clowns. Wait. Don't bother. They're here.
Malkin is the author of "Culture of Corruption: Obama and his Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks and Cronies" (Regnery 2010). Her email address is email@example.com.